The Dishes Song

1993
standard
The Dishes Song (with outtakes from Live at Erica's)

CI left the house one weekend for somebody else’s Gplace
When I got home on Sunday I discovered my misCtake
No one had had the time to wash the dishes in the Fsink
So they had just been Cleft there and they Gmade the whole house Cstink

I Fwon’t go into details but when I looked in a Cpot
A Gtribble off of Star Trek almost made me die of Cshock
I Fpoured some water from a cup and guess what I beCheld
A Gthigh bone from a chicken and some Fother stuff as Cwell

An ice cream box was sitting there and I smelled something scary
I tried to lift it from its place when out jumped something hairy
It landed in the sink next to a bowl of something gross
I found it difficult deciding which I hated most

Scientists are looking for the source of life on Earth
They now attempt to recreate a protoplasmic birth
When they could just as easily come over any day
And I’d be pleased to show them our premordial soufflé

It’s been about five hours since I started on this chore
I’ve got some dishes left but I’m not washing any more
A lesson I have learned from my experience today
Is always wash the dishes right before you go away